MEET CANDRA EVANS-MARRIED AFTER 35


Name: Candra Evans

Age when you married: 36

State of residence: Ohio

Current or former profession: State Government Employee and Small Business Owner



WHEN WE FIRST MET
 How did you meet your husband?

We met on a good old fashion blind date. This is why I encourage singles to not be shy about expressing their desire to be married. The topic of relationships frequently come up in casual conversations. It can be a perfect time to briefly mention a desire to be married. You never know who knows who and how connections can be made down the line. It doesn’t work out perfectly every time of course, but it is a good opportunity to meet new people.
 Did you think “he may be the one” when you first met your husband?

When I met my husband, I tried not to have great expectations. A string of failed dates can do that to you. (smile) So it wasn’t until the end of the evening, after I returned home, that I felt something in my heart nudging that he was the one. We spoke on the phone and went out together for another month or so before agreeing that yes, this is it!


 How long did you date him before you married?

We dated two years before we married, however, that was not by choice. Ronnie expressed his desire to marry me after four months of dating. Our hope was to be married a year from then, but due to personal unforeseen circumstances we had to push our wedding date back. It was difficult but gave us more time to prepare for our future.
Were you a little nervous about getting married after being single for 35+ years? If yes, how did you ease your nervousness?

Oh goodness no! (Reply followed by Candra smiling) I was one of those women who always wanted to be married. It also helped that I was confident in our relationship. Ronnie made me feel safe and protected. I was more nervous about the wedding day itself. When you have waited years to be married, people tend to expect the wedding day of the century. So I was more nervous about that. However knowing that I would be Ronnie’s wife, brought me peace.
   
FAMILY AND FRIENDS REACTION
 What was the reaction of your family and friends when you told them that you were getting married?

For me the greatest reaction was telling family and friends that I had a boyfriend (Big smile from Candra). When I was single, I was truly single. I went out on dates but nothing ever evolved into a serious relationship. The best reaction was from my teenage cousin. I was giving him a ride home from church youth service. Like most teenagers he plopped in my car and put his ear buds in his ears to listen to his music.

Then I casually said, “Hey Donnie, I have a boyfriend.” He pulled those earphones out of his ears so fast and looked at me with the widest eyes. It was all I could do to keep from driving off the road, I was laughing so hard. The reaction to our marriage announcement was all joy, some tears, and a few sighs of relief.


 Was anyone discouraging about the institution of marriage and encouraged you to reconsider? If so, how did you deal with the negativity?

Fortunately, no one tried to discourage me. Perhaps, someone wanted to but knew how long I had waiting for that moment. I did receive a lot of advice and warnings about how difficult marriage can be. My husband and I had many conversations about the institution of marriage and shared with each other our expectations and desires. So open communication with each other helped ease any negative thoughts.

OUR WEDDING

Where did you get marry?

We married at a beautiful church in Cincinnati, Ohio. We would have loved to get married in either of our home churches but we needed a place large enough to accommodate our family and friends. I was 36 and my husband was 41. Neither of us had ever been married before. So nobody was going to miss this wedding.
 What do you remember most about your wedding day?

The most memorable part of our day was the cheering and celebration as soon as the ceremony started. A stranger would have thought that we were rock stars or something. It was then that I realized that we were not the only ones waiting. Our family and friends were waiting and praying right along with us. Our wedding day was an answer to a cooperate prayer that we would find true love. Therefore, the praise and celebration was in order.

WE ARE MARRIED
What misconception(s) did you have to overcome in marriage or discovered wasn’t true?

Because of so much exposure to divorce and failed relationships, I actually carried negative misconceptions into the marriage. I hoped for a marriage full of love and bliss but I was a little scared that somehow my husband would fail me or love me less after the honeymoon phase was over. However, I never saw any signs from him that these things would happen. I knew that our marriage was God’s will. Still, years of hearing that there are no good men out there and that all men cheat, did something to my consciousness. But now after almost six years of praying, loving, and trusting, we are even more in love. I discovered that marriages do not have to fail. Love is a choice.
 What do you enjoy most about married life?

Every marriage is different. Of course I love romance and spending time together. We both love to travel and enjoy life. But our marriage is also centered on ministry. It is most precious to me that we are a team in preaching and teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.  

ADVICE TO UNMARRIED SISTERS
 What misconceptions do you think never-been- married singles have about marriage?

It is important for singles to realize that getting married is one of the most selfless things you will do. Getting married is just as much about your future husband’s happiness as it is your own. Marriages tend to falter when each person wants to firmly hold to their individuality.

Becoming one flesh means being willing to be molded, reformed, and refashioned to complement each other. Changes to our preferred way of doing things can difficult, especially when you have been single and independent for a certain length of time. But, when a husband and wife are zealous with their love, putting the other first, neither should be left wanting.

  What advice or words of wisdom you want to share with single sisters?

Allow God to be the head of your marriage and never let anything or anyone take His place. Communication is important between a husband and wife, but talk to God about your marriage as much as you talk to your husband…even more.

For the days when you just can’t see things the same as your husband, put the situation in God’s hands and trust Him. He knows how to touch the heart of your spouse. If you ever feel that you are lacking something in your marriage, God knows how to make provision and fill those voids. You trust and depend on God during your season of singleness. Do not let that change on the day you say, I do.
Marry Over 40 By Faith Author Cynthia would like to thank Candra for sharing her story to encourage Christian single women. Are you a Christian woman who married or remarried after 35 or after 40? Share your story of hope, email  marryover40byfaith@gmail.com for details!

5 Warning Signs Your Date Is Mr. Christian Wrong


You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?

1- He's only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.

One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.  

However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.

2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.

He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions.  You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!

3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.

'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.

He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.

He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV):  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.

You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.

5-He is tearing you down spiritually.

Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).

He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13).  You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.

What to Do?

You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age.  I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.

Also, from my experience, I know the  "never find another at your age” is a lie. My grandfather who danced at his 100th birthday party had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!

I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12).  But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4





Be My Featured Faith Guest

Are you a Christian woman who married or remarried after 35 or after 40? This is your personal invitation to share your story of hope to encourage others as my Featured Faith Guest. Email me marryover40byfaith@gmail.com for details!