Wise as Serpents Harmless as Doves –Online Dating Scams

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Jesus told his 12 disciples, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16-American Standard Version

While I believe every Christian should practice being “wise as serpents, and harmless as doves,” I want to apply this specifically to online dating. At the time of this post, many are wondering if former star Notre Dame Linebacker Manti Te'o played a role in the dead girlfriend hoax, which has received a lot of media attention.  Because of the popularity of his story, once again, there are scores of warnings about fake profiles on social media and online dating.

I don’t speak against Christian online dating sites because I never tried it when I was single. I have heard of success stories as well as I have heard of tragic stories. However, I have been scammed and encourage Christian women not to be overly confident that they will never be tricked by a con artist.  Many con artists have been practicing their tricky or deception for years and years.

In doing research on online dating scams, I applaud one “Christian” site, which plainly tells its audience:
We DO NOT PROVIDE BACKGROUND CHECK on any of the members. Members need to do run their own search to check a background of a member they are interested in.

Below are links to articles that offer practical tips about safeguarding yourself during online dating:



http://www.consumerfraudreporting.org/AFFreligion.php- Money Transfer and Business Scams: Scammers Using Religious, God, Jesus to Con You

What are your thoughts about Christian online dating? Share your thoughts here or post it on Marrying Over 40 on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/MarryingOver40?ref=hl

FOR THE UNMARRIED




DON'T GET MARRIED IF.....

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An article from @Joseph Jeremiah

If you’re not ready to delay gratification when your are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly…. don’t get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.

1)If you’re not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muses… don’t get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don’t lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God’s blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming!

2)If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt….. don’t get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don’t abandon your spouse to your relatives. It’s betrayal.

3)If you are not ready to pay bills…. don’t get married. Love does not pay bills. VINLEC will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and your gazes at each other, O so romantic.

4)If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex “best friends” and invest that into your spouse. To like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them, above anyone else… don’t get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.

5)If you are not ready to stop competing with the Jones es…. don’t get married. Let the Jones es buy their yacht when you are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.

6)If you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection…. don’t get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn’t enjoy being ignored and the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the “neat” and “all together lovely” image that you are struggling to maintain.

7)If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming…. don’t get married. Don’t take somebody’s son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungus. It never ends well. It’s romanticized in the movies, it’s being fronted as the only “realistic” way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts, broken dreams and conniving.

8)Finally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush of a risque life and to settle down…. don’t get married. The great Columbus [who we were told "discovered" America, Have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it, knew that it existed :-) ] had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about the wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the death and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found, there was great disappointment. Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: “This day, we sailed on.”.

Marriage, like life in general, has many “we sail on” days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everyday of it. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex [ha], romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The “boom twaff” moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an everyday basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments.

I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready or you’re not: You decide!. But please don’t marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives :-) . A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating.

Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up day by day. If you are not ready for that demand, don’t get married!!

The Fever

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My then-best male friend who is now my husband said to me, “Never look for a car, when you’ve got the fever.”  Of course, I had no idea what he meant. He explained, “Never go car shopping when your emotions are running high to buy a certain car.”  Now his fever statement made sense to me. I know it’s true that you should never go grocery shopping when you are hungry. I have done this and have ended up buying a lot of snacks that looked good, but weren’t good for me.

A Christian single woman who is getting close to 40 or is older is especially vulnerable to developing “marrying fever.” Honestly, I think I developed the fever when I was getting close to age 30.  Since I missed my “getting married to Mr. Super Christian by age 27” deadline, I was anxious to find my guy. 

I dated pursuers who I might not have dated few years earlier. These guys had the personality, the career and all the other status symbols, but they didn’t have what I wanted them to have most: a strong relationship with God. One guy was a regular church-goer, but even he could see that his faith convictions were only on the surface.

While walking in my high emotional state of “want to get married fever,” I believe the Father was saddened. I was seeking marriage more than I was seeking a deeper bond with Him. I believe He was saying to my aching to get married state:
Yet I have this against you--that you no longer love Me as you did at first. Revelation 2:4 (Weymouth New Testament Translation)

Take a minute to examine yourself. Is God saying this to you?