5 Warning Signs Your Date Is Mr. Christian Wrong


You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?

1- He's only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.

One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.  

However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.

2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.

He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions.  You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!

3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.

'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.

He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.

He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV):  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.

You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.

5-He is tearing you down spiritually.

Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).

He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13).  You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.

What to Do?

You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age.  I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.

Also, from my experience, I know the  "never find another at your age” is a lie. My grandfather who danced at his 100th birthday party had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!

I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12).  But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4





5 comments:

  1. Yes, I agree with what you have written here. I met a man at work who I thought was wonderful about a year after I came out of my first marriage. I was 49yrs old, I looked good and yet I was settling for second best. I was very naive about men only ever having been with my husband before him. At first he seemed sincere and then gradually I knew he was stringing me along and it hurt a lot, but crazily I hung onto him for years. Finally I traveled over to the USA and Ray came into my life. If a man is truly interested in you, he will be sincere. And like that song "When a man loves a woman" he will go out of his way for you.. If you love the Lord, then before you even get interested in him, he should show a positive interest and a willingness to grow in the Lord. xxx

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  2. Crystal Mary, thanks for sharing such a personal testimony. I can certainly relate to "hanging on for years" to the wrong man. Thank God for opening our eyes to good relationships. By the way, I like that song, "When A Man Loves A Woman!"

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  3. Hey Cynthia. I find your blog after checking out your In Season Mom site. Both issues apply to me. I just got married over 40 and am now recovering from fibroid surgery to improve my pregnancy chances. Given that the surgeon wants us to wait a year before trying I'll be almost 43 at the earliest if God blesses us with a a child.

    I was engaged before to a Christian when I was 36, but he featured some of the traits you mentioned above, so we parted. My husband now didn't have everything I wanted on my list, but he had the important ones of loving God, being honest, supportive, responsible, trustworthy and funny and much more besides. We met when I was 39 and we courted for a full 2 years! One thing that worked for us is that we sexually abstained and didn't live together until after marriage (even though my furniture had already moved into his place (because I moved city to join him), so it was home from home when I did finally move in).

    The reason I mention that is because too many of us Christians, especially women, focus on a brother's weaknesses but don't think twice about giving it up sexually and the spiritual repercussions. I'd advise older dating couples to slow it down just as I would with a couple dating in their 20s. Why? Because at our age we're more likely to have children, be set in our ways, but to proudly think "we know better." But we need time to acknowledge our situation and unlearn / learn things conducive to a healthy new relationship. I've seen too many friends of my age messed up because as soon as they fulfilled their sexual desires the relationship fell flat. When people learned we were abstaining we had reactions from respect and amazement, to anger. The angry person (non Christian) was a co-worker who thought us old fashioned not to try sex before getting married.

    Well that angry co-worker's own relationship broke down, and some month's later they not only said they would consider abstaining next time, but they also brought other non Christian co-workers to me to hear about God's way for relationships!

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  4. Hey Cynthia. I find your blog after checking out your In Season Mom site. Both issues apply to me. I just got married over 40 and am now recovering from fibroid surgery to improve my pregnancy chances. Given that the surgeon wants us to wait a year before trying I'll be almost 43 at the earliest if God blesses us with a a child.

    I was engaged before to a Christian when I was 36, but he featured some of the traits you mentioned above, so we parted. My husband now didn't have everything I wanted on my list, but he had the important ones of loving God, being honest, supportive, responsible, trustworthy and funny and much more besides. We met when I was 39 and we courted for a full 2 years! One thing that worked for us is that we sexually abstained and didn't live together until after marriage (even though my furniture had already moved into his place (because I moved city to join him), so it was home from home when I did finally move in).

    The reason I mention that is because too many of us Christians, especially women, focus on a brother's weaknesses but don't think twice about giving it up sexually and the spiritual repercussions. I'd advise older dating couples to slow it down just as I would with a couple dating in their 20s. Why? Because at our age we're more likely to have children, be set in our ways, but to proudly think "we know better." But we need time to acknowledge our situation and unlearn / learn things conducive to a healthy new relationship. I've seen too many friends of my age messed up because as soon as they fulfilled their sexual desires the relationship fell flat. When people learned we were abstaining we had reactions from respect and amazement, to anger. The angry person (non Christian) was a co-worker who thought us old fashioned not to try sex before getting married.

    Well that angry co-worker's own relationship broke down, and some month's later they not only said they would consider abstaining next time, but they also brought other non Christian co-workers to me to hear about God's way for relationships!

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  5. Hey Mich,
    Congratulations on your marriage! Continue to be encouraged by keeping your relationship with God first and by reading the stories of InSeason Moms who gave birth in their 40s. I agree so much with EVERYTHING you're written that I would like to feature your comments as my October blog post! Readers need to hear what you've written. Please email me at cynthia@inseasonmom.org

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