You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.
Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?
1- He's only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.
One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.
However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.
2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.
He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions. You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!
3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.
'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.
He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.
“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.” “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.
He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV): Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.
You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.
5-He is tearing you down spiritually.
Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).
He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13). You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.
You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age. I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.
Also, from my experience, I know the "never find another at your age” is a lie. My grandfather who danced at his 100th birthday party had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!
I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12). But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4