Feature Your Marry Over 40 Story

“Women in their late 30s and 40s are flooded with negative information about their probability of getting married to having healthy babies,” says Cynthia, author of Marry Over 40 By Faith and founder of InSeasonMom, recognized by CBS New York and MSNBC as a leading resource for first time moms over 35.

My goal for Marry Over 40 blog is to do what God has allowed me to do with my InSeason Mom’s blog for women: to ease their fears by exposing myths with facts, to show them there is a Power greater than circumstances, there is Hope. There is God.

I’ve shared my story of getting married for the first time at age 40, conceiving naturally and giving birth at age 42 and 44 to two healthy daughters,” says Cynthia.  “I know there are other Christian sisters who got married close to 40 or over 40. I want them to encourage single sisters with their testimony/marriage story.  The Enemy is wrong! Marriage for older sisters is possible because “all things are possible with God. Mark 19: 26.”

If you desire to encourage others with your story, email marryover40byfaith@gmail.com

Your Married Boyfriend Isn't God's Man for You

Many years ago the classic television series “Touched by An Angel” aired an episode called “An Unexpected Snow.”

The story was about an unexpected meeting between a man’s mistress and his wife over the Thanksgiving holiday.

“He’s not supposed to be married,” Megan (the mistress) argued. “He’s supposed to be with me. God made a mistake.”

“If something gets this ugly and this painful, God had nothing to do with it,” Monica (the angel) explained.

Satan often preys on Christian single women over 35 to make them think something godly can come out of their ungodly unison with a married man. Satan uses the men’s religious titles or his Super Christian status in the church to make the women think that they have landed a prize.

The married boyfriends say all the right words that single godly females who want to get married long to hear. Sisters, remember Eve was deceived by what the Enemy said (Genesis 3:4). These married boyfriends appear to be the answers to the single godly women prayers, but they are ravenous wolves (Matt. 7:15).

Let's stop talking about single godly females as a group and talk about "you" as an individual godly woman. To keep you in an ungodly relationship, the Enemy will magnify your fears—
fears of unbearable loneliness without this man and your fears of never finding a single man like your married man.

The truth is if you took a few minutes to really think about your relationship, you would find that your relationship with your married boyfriend isn’t as rosy as you would like to believe. If you took a few minutes to stop listening to the romantic love songs or looking at the romantic movies, you would discover your relationship is built on a weak foundation. Your relationship is built on a sand of lies (Matt 7:26-27) and a relationship built on lies is doom from the beginning.

Satan, the master deceiver, knows as long you, a godly woman, remain in the ungodly unison, what you want most will never come. God's man for you could walk in front of your face and you would never see it, not with your spiritual eyes. You have allowed the Enemy to blind you like an unbeliever (2 Cor. 4:4).  

I pray for you as Elisha prayed in 2 Kings 6:17, "O LORD, I pray, open (her) his eyes that (she) he may see…

You are a beautiful and valued daughter of the King, my sister!

One True Soul Mate Not Biblical? Fairy Tale?

And they lived happily ever after.”

It’s been a long time since I read a fairy tale. So I had to pick up a children’s book to make sure the "happily ever after" ending was still there. Although many of the stories have been revised, the fairy tales still convey the same message. 1-There is only one true soul mate. 2-Only when you find your soul mate, you will find true happiness.

One of my best girlfriends— who loved reading romantic novels—believed this concept for years. I’m not sure it was her studying the Word more in depth or her last relationship ending in marriage, which helped her see clearer. The truth is you can be compatible with more than one person.

Is your belief in the "Soul Mate-Only One" myth keeping you from leaving a dating relationship that's not good for you? Or is this belief keeping you from looking at new dating relationships because you feel you lost the “right” one—your soul mate?

"A 'soul mate' is not a Christian idea," says biblical counselor June Hunt, founder, CEO, and CSO of Hope For The Heart ministries. “Rather, an ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, taught that men and women were made in one body, but separated by the gods. Each man and woman scours the earth for their perfect spouse, so the two can again become one. Phrases like "my other half" or "my better half" actually come from this Greek myth.”

Hunt's comments are not only enlightening but are in agreement with Colossians 2:10. "And you are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power." We are complete in Christ. We don't search the world looking for our other half because we are complete in Christ!

What are your thoughts about the true soul mate myth?

Older Women Marry Out of Sheer Luck or Manipulation???

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A few years ago, I commented in a leading Christian magazine about marrying later. Another reader responded:

“It's not impossible, but if one is being honest, one has to admit that it is rare. Statistically, the older a woman is the more the odds are against her...particularly if she wants a Christian mate. Most churches have a surplus of single women of a certain age, but relatively fewer available men, and the ones who are all too often act like the proverbial rooster in the hen house. I've seen it, and it's not pretty. Women who marry older often times it's just out of sheer luck...or manipulation. That's the truth.”

I agree with the reader on several points BUT. First, let's see what I agree with her on :

Most churches have more women than men.
In David Murrow’s book Why Men Hate Going to Church, he writes, “I truly believe women must play a key role if men are to return (to the church). Because women dominate in attendance, leadership, and volunteerism, they hold great sway in the local church (even if they don’t realize it). Women must humble themselves, pray, and allow the men of the church to lead the body toward an adventure.” For more interesting points on men and church, check out this link: http://churchformen.com

The proverbial rooster in the hen (church) house does exist.
I agree with the reader that because of the surplus of single women of a certain age and fewer available men, many brothers act like the proverbial rooster in the hen house. Unfortunately, we, the church, have accepted this behavior, which is both sickening and sinful.

Main point of disagreement:

Older women who marry, marry out of sheer luck or manipulation.
 Unfortunately, this statement assumes that the only thing women have to offer is their youth and that luck does exist.  Both of which we know is in error.

While statistics may be against us, I know other women who married at a later age and they did not manipulate their potential mates. I know it’s difficult, but I encourage my single sisters to keep believing. If God can part the Red Sea for Moses, He can send you a mate…if it’s His will!

5 Red Flag Dating Signs For Christian Women 35+

You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?

1- He's only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.

One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.  

However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.

2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.

He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions.  You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!

3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.

'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.

He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.

He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV):  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.

You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.

5-He is tearing you down spiritually.

Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).

He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13).  You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.

What to Do?

You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age.  I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.

Also, from my experience, I know the “age-thing” is a lie. My grandfather who danced at his 100th birthday party had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!

I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12).  But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4