Your Ideal Mate List Check for 2016?

Okay, I admit it. When I was single, I created a list of what I wanted in a mate.  I’m a “list person,” meaning I enjoy making a list for everything. Did you know that your long “mate-shopping” list can be a hindrance in recognizing God’s man for you? Here are 2 of the most popular items on single Christian women’s list:

Physical requirement.  There are handsome men in the bible. David had two fine sons, Absalom (2 Sam. 14:25) and Adonijah (1 Kings 1:6). And, Joseph was so handsome (Gen. 39:6) that I'm convinced his beauty played a role in getting him locked up! And ladies, be honest. Who doesn’t want a Shemar Moore or John Stamos look-a-like?

However, physical beauty changes throughout the years. The beautiful head of hair becomes thin or ashy grey. Sadly, healthy young people as well as old are stricken with an unexpected handicap or disease. Accidents disfigure even the most beautiful people. Maybe, this is one of the main reasons God said to Samuel in 1Samuel 16:7 “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” English Standard Version (ESV)

Career/Education/Financial Status. The showoff partner is the first cousin to the trophy wife. His status, whether it is career, education or finance, impresses you and others at parties, church, class reunions and other public functions.

The truth is your relationship, especially your marriage, will not be lived out at church, parties or class reunions. What will become most important is how he treats you. Does he builds you up most of the time or slowly destroys your self-esteem?

Deal-breakers. There should be major deal breakers or refuse to accept on your list. But, no man will have everything you want on your list. Do not expect any man to fulfill all your needs. Only God can do this! Go to God and continue to ask him to open your eyes to the man that he wants to be your husband.  

What are your thoughts about making an Ideal Mate List? Please comment below.

Holiday Empowering Tips for Single Christian Women Over 35

This year don’t let the holiday cheers bring you to holiday tears. While you enjoy celebrating with family, friends and church members, you can soon feel left out of their “couple” conversations or annoyed with their questions about your marital status. Here are a few tips to help you this season:

1-Prepare for the Enemy’s Romantic Love Lie Attack

Probably second only to Valentine’s Day, the entertainment industry floods us with romantic love stories during the Christmas season. It’s their money-making season!

The heroine walks out of her house or apartment and nearly trips over Mr. Right. He’s bending down to pick up his car keys to his Bugatti. By the end of the movie, she’s happily married to a man she’s known less than an hour- in real time- and all of their drama is solved within the movie’s time span.

Although you enjoyed the movie, you’re now feeling as if you are the only person on the planet without a mate! You don’t see how you can make it through another day (or at least this holiday season) being single.  If God really cared about you, why hasn’t He sent your Mr. Right?

Sister, even though the attack was subtle and disguised as harmless entertainment, you were still hit by one of the Enemy’s flaming darts-the Romantic Love Lie. The Romantic Love Lie wants you to think Infatuation and Lust are the same as Love.

2- Launch Your Faith Missile

You’ve walked by faith before and now it’s time to do it again (2 Corinthians 5:7). Recharge your spiritual engine by fueling up with what you know. You’re not just a nameless face in the mass population to God. You are His. He knew you before you were conceived (Jeremiah 1:5). He knows the challenges you have being single. He knows how you long to be married.  He hasn’t forgotten you or your desires. So stop listening to the sad love songs and replace it with upbeat positive music.

3- Prepare for the “When Are You Getting Married?” Question

Someone is going to ask you this question either this season or within the next 6 months! 

Here are a few suggested answers:

Well, you know God has a season for everything. And as soon as He lets me know, I’ll let you know (change subject or walk away).

I especially like Author Crystal Mary’s WHY suggestions:

Q.        When are you getting married?
A.        Why?
Q.        How come you’re not married?
A.        Why?
Q.        Why haven’t you ever married?
A.        Why should I?

Pray for wisdom in giving an answer that helps you feel comfortable and confident.

4-Embrace the Spirit of Gratitude-Volunteer

Your desire for a mate shouldn’t cause you to forget about your current blessings.  Nothing can help you embrace the spirit of gratitude quicker than volunteering. How about spreading holiday cheer to residents in the nursing home or patients in the hospital?  There are numerous charities that could use your help. This season rather than waiting on God to bless you, use what He has given you to be a blessing!

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season,


Season of Waiting

Waiting for God to send you a mate isn't easy, especially when you are close to age 40 or over 40. Be encouraged my sisters, God has not forgotten you! Think over your life and how He has been faithful by bringing you through events and circumstances. Remember "waiting" does not mean "no, it will never happen." It only means NOT YET. 


goggle images

What was your first thought when you read: Good Single Men Over 40 Still Left?
Was your first thought similar to one of the following:

1-     Yeah right, where are they?
2-     I don’t want a “good man” I want a godly/Christian man!
3-     No one is good except God!

I certainly agree with you that God is good. I understand that you want to marry a Christian man. However, you as well as I know there are Christian men who are not living what God considers a “good” life at this moment. They have abandoned the love they once had for Christ.  Sadly, at this very moment, they have left their first love (Revelation 2:4).

On the other hand, there are unsaved single men who are seeking a relationship with God and will come into a relationship with Christ on this very day!

The interesting thing about when you/experts/researchers count how many single Christian men over 40 compares to the number of single Christian women over 40, it is impossible to factor in the “God math.”   

God’s math is seen in Judges 7 when He used Gideon’s army of 300 to defeat an army that biblical scholars believe were several hundred thousand. Although the bible does not provide a specific number of the defeated army, the scholars base their belief on the description given in Judges 7:12:  "the Midianites and Amalekites, all the people of the East, were lying in the valley as numerous as locusts; and their camels were without number, as the sand by the seashore in multitude."  This does not sound like a few hundred people to me!

Another example of God’s math is seen when Elisha’s servant is only able to see the vast enemy army that surrounds them.  Elisha prays for his servant, “O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” He prays that his servant might have eyes to see the myriad of God’s host surrounding them (cf. 2 Kings 6:15-17).  The servant is encouraged once he sees “God’s math” in action.

As a result of not being able to factor in “God’s math” in any statistical research, the results will always be flawed.  Even when you say, there are just a few, just a couple or no Christian men over 40 in my church or bible study group, you may be speaking the truth, as it is now.  However, your truth does not limit God. I am praying that God will open your eyes that you will see and be encouraged by His math!

No Sex Before Marriage Not Only For Younger Single Christians

goggle images
We pretend it’s only them who have problems with premarital sex. We pretend it’s only them who can’t control their physical passions. We pretend it’s only them who sit in church on Sunday morning feeling guilty for the sexual sin they committed on Saturday night.

Reader Mich Abin M. shares her personal testimony in this area. She writes:  

I was engaged before to a Christian when I was 36, but he featured some of the traits you mentioned in 5 Red Flag Dating Signs For Christian Women 35+, so we parted. My husband now didn't have everything I wanted on my list, but he had the important ones of loving God, being honest, supportive, responsible, trustworthy and funny and much more besides. 

We met when I was 39 and we courted for a full 2 years! One thing that worked for us is that we sexually abstained and didn't live together until after marriage (even though my furniture had already moved into his place (because I moved city to join him), so it was home from home when I did finally move in).

The reason I mention that is because too many of us Christians, especially women, focus on a brother's weaknesses but don't think twice about giving it up sexually and the spiritual repercussions. I'd advise older dating couples to slow it down just as I would with a couple dating in their 20s. Why? Because at our age we're more likely to have children, be set in our ways, but to proudly think "we know better." But we need time to acknowledge our situation and unlearn / learn things conducive to a healthy new relationship. 

I've seen too many friends of my age messed up because as soon as they fulfilled their sexual desires the relationship fell flat. When people learned we were abstaining we had reactions from respect and amazement, to anger. The angry person (non Christian) was a co-worker who thought us old fashioned not to try sex before getting married.

Well that angry co-worker's own relationship broke down, and some months later they not only said they would consider abstaining next time, but they also brought other non Christian co-workers to me to hear about God's way for relationships!

Mich, thanks for sharing your personal testimony. I couldn’t have said/written it better!

5 Red Flag Dating Signs For Christian Women 35+

You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?

1- He is only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.

One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.  

However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.

2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.

He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions.  You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!

3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.

'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.

He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.

He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV):  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.

You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.

5-He is tearing you down spiritually.

Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).

He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13).  You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.

What to Do?

You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age.  I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.

Also, from my experience, I know the “age-thing” is a lie. My grandfather who celebrated his 100th birthday in May 2011 had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!

I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12).  But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4

Christian Online Dating Sites For 40+ (What’s Your Opinion)

                                    Guest Post by Crystal Mary
Crystal Mary and husband Ray on their wedding day

I believe that as with everything carried out on the internet, one must be very careful.

There are a lot of evil people in the world, ones who would sweetly con you out of a lot of money and break your heart, in the name of love. These predators are not just on secular or Christian dating sites they also work themselves into trusting relationships through Facebook. 

Okay, so how do you know you can trust them?   I met my husband on the American Singles site. At first we just wrote messages back and forth. Then I got a cam camera and he did also. I could talk to him at practically any time, so I felt safe about that. I also got his full name address and phone number and checked on line to make sure it was a valid one. Some men/women are actually cheating on a spouse and using the internet to do this. So by being able to see them in a room with an OPEN door, and talking to them at random times, when they are not at work, you will hopefully find out if they are trustworthy.

If at any time, you are asked for money, be suspicious. I have heard this can be done in many ways. They have a sick parent or sick child, or they themselves have an illness and haven’t got the money to seek medical help…. Hear the alarm bells!  Another ploy is, they are onto a great way to make some money, and this could be a business venture or real-estate. They ask you whether you would like to be in on it, it’s a sure thing and you will make a mint.  Hear the Alarm bells!

If they say they are a Christian, ask them what church they attend. Look it up and even contact the pastor and ask if the person is safe? How long have they known them? 

Don’t be impressed by photos of the said person standing in front of a great house, boat or car, it may belong to someone else.   It you have their address, look up the house on Google Maps as you sometimes get a photo view.   I’m not saying here to go after the best looking house, but it should add up to what you have been told.. Their photo may even be of someone ?  ALWAYS do your research.