Need to Talk Live Support for Single Christian Women 35+

“Women in their late 30s and 40s are flooded with negative information about their probability of getting married to having healthy babies,” says Cynthia, author of Marry Over 40 By Faith and founder of InSeasonMom, recognized by CBS New York and MSNBC as a leading resource for first time moms over 35.

“Unfortunately, most churches or programs do not minister to the needs of older single Christian women. They may address a woman not being married after a certain age in a joking manner in a sermon. However, it’s not a joke to the woman who doesn’t want to be single,” says Cynthia.   

The Need to Talk Live Support I offer is exclusively for emotional support and doesn’t take the place of psychotherapy or professional counseling,” she says.  “It’s not a substitution for professional mental or medical health advice.  It’s more like talking to a good friend who’s been through what you’re going through; someone who can relate and encourage you in your journey with action steps. It's coaching!”

Cynthia got married for the first time at age 40, conceived naturally and gave birth at age 42 and 44 to two healthy daughters. She says, “I’m a firm believer in different seasons in everyone’s life. The key is never allowing anyone except God to determine where you should be in your personal or professional season of life."

For more information, email cynthia:  

Single Christian Woman Without One Prospect: What To Do

“I just wonder what you would say to a woman who is Christian with not a one prospect. Most Christian men I have befriended ended up not committing. It is like they are scared to. Then the ones who aren't Christian want to get to know me. What am I to do? Praying for decades hasn't worked. I haven't been on a date since I got saved. Part of me wonders if it is worth it to wait for a man who loves God. They all seem afraid to be husbands. I give up...” (Marrying Over 40 follower)

Several years ago, I, or at least one of my girlfriends, could have easily written this question and the comments. One girlfriend actually became so frustrated that she refused to attend any more weddings! Here are a few suggestions to help you through your season of singlehood:

1) Pray. Tell God exactly how you feel. 
Don’t worry about surprising Him with your anger or frustration. Psalms 139:2 reads: You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away (The Living Translation).

2) Get some rest. 
I know when I’m tried, I’m more apt to be irritable and view everything through my negative-colored glasses.

3) Share a laugh with a friend or watch your favorite comedy show.
According to Natural News.Com, laughter moves lymph fluid around your body simply by the convulsions you experience during the process of laughing; so it boosts immune system function and helps clear out old, dead waste products from organs and tissues. No wonder Proverbs 17:22 reads:

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.(The Living Bible)

4) Pray for the husband that God is going to send you. 
I remember the first time I heard this I was surprised. Then it made sense because unless the man God is sending you hasn't been born yet, he is facing challenges just like you.

I think I read this statement over 25  years ago in Your Half Of The Apple: God and the Single Girl by Gini Andrews. What a powerful impact that made on me.

5) Realize that God’s man for you may not be a Christian yet. God is still working on him.
Too many seasoned believers fail to tell single new Christians that it is possible that you can be unequally yoked” with another believer. Let me explain. A brother may be “Mr. Super Christian” within the church building, but does not act the same way outside of the church building!

After much prayer, get to know-not in the biblical sense-a single man with good morals. Introduce him to your beliefs. Do not fall into the trap of soul-winning for you and Jesus. Commit him and your relationship to the Lord.

6) Write a Thankful/Count Your Blessings List. 

A University of Connecticut study found, a grateful heart is a healthier heart. Patients who viewed their first heart attack as a blessing in disguise, for giving them a new appreciation for life were less likely to have a second attack than those who blamed their heart troubles on others.  

Being thankful is not only good for your physical health, it's good for your spiritual health! I won't mention the numerous scriptures such as Psalm 107:1 which states, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

As the old gospel song says, "Count your Blessings. Name them one by one. Then it will surprise you what the Lord has done!"


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What was your first thought when you read: Good Single Men Over 40 Still Left?
Was your first thought similar to one of the following:

1-     Yeah right, where are they?
2-     I don’t want a “good man” I want a godly/Christian man!
3-     No one is good except God!

I certainly agree with you that God is good. I understand that you want to marry a Christian man. However, you as well as I know there are Christian men who are not living what God considers a “good” life at this moment. They have abandoned the love they once had for Christ.  Sadly, at this very moment, they have left their first love (Revelation 2:4).

On the other hand, there are unsaved single men who are seeking a relationship with God and will come into a relationship with Christ on this very day!

When you/experts/researchers attempt to count how many single Christian men over 40 there are compared to the the number of single Christian women over 40, your numbers are always off....not on point. You see, it is impossible to factor in the “God math.”   

God’s math is seen in Judges 7 when He used Gideon’s army of 300 to defeat an army that biblical scholars believe were several hundred thousand. Although the bible does not provide a specific number of the defeated army, the scholars base their belief on the description given in Judges 7:12:  "the Midianites and Amalekites, all the people of the East, were lying in the valley as numerous as locusts; and their camels were without number, as the sand by the seashore in multitude."  This does not sound like a few hundred people to me!

Another example of God’s math is seen when Elisha’s servant is only able to see the vast enemy army that surrounds them.  Elisha prays for his servant, “O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” He prays that his servant might have eyes to see the myriad of God’s host surrounding them (cf. 2 Kings 6:15-17).  The servant is encouraged once he sees “God’s math” in action.

As a result of not being able to factor in “God’s math” in any statistical research, the results will always be flawed.  Even when you say, there are just a few, just a couple or no Christian men over 40 in your church or bible study group, you may be speaking the truth, as it is at that moment. Yet, while you are speaking, there are men, women and children choosing to follow Him!

I am praying that God will open your eyes that you will see and be encouraged by His math! Follow me on Facebook and on Twitter

Too Old to Find Love After 40, 50 or Over 60? Think Again!

Many people, unfortunately some Christians are included in this list, believe that they are too OLD to find a godly mate. I guess the “too old to find love lie” is one that my family NEVER believed. I must admit there were times my faith shook and gave thought that this lie might be right. I never should have believed it because:

My grandfather who passed away at 101 had women “checking him out” in his 80s! According to my research, when he was born, the life expectancy for men was 50! God not only gave him “long years of life” but gave “life to his years”.  I’ll bet no one at his 100th birthday party will ever forget seeing him dancing.

My mother, who is now in her early 80s, had suitors approaching her within months after my father passed several years ago and she still has suitors!

My grand aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I got married younger for the first time…at age 40!

When you're feeling discouraged about your marriage possibilities, I want you to look on the other side of the negative thinking, the lies the Enemy is telling you. My dear, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD! (Matthew 19:26)  Follow me on Twitter and on Facebook

Holidays,Special Days Tips for Single Christian Women Over 35

Originally I wrote this post to empower you during the Christmas holidays. Christmas holiday cheers can bring you to holiday tears. But now, I 'm updating this post. The truth is at any celebration (or non-celebration gathering like funerals), graduation, birthday, etc. while you're with family, friends and church members can bring that "left out of their couple” conversations" feeling. Or you may find that you're just plain annoyed with their questions about your marital status. Here are a few tips to help you:

1-Prepare for the Enemy’s Romantic Love Lie Attack

Certain days such as Valentine’s Day and Christmas day/season, the entertainment industry floods us with romantic love stories. It’s their money-making season!

The heroine walks out of her house or apartment and nearly trips over Mr. Right. He’s bending down to pick up his car keys to his Bugatti. By the end of the movie, she’s happily married to a man she’s known less than an hour- in real time- and all of their drama is solved within the movie’s time span.

Although you enjoyed the movie, you’re now feeling as if you are the only person on the planet without a mate! You don’t see how you can make it through another day (or at least this holiday season) being single.  If God really cared about you, why hasn’t He sent your Mr. Right?

Sister, even though the attack was subtle and disguised as harmless entertainment, you were still hit by one of the Enemy’s flaming darts-the Romantic Love Lie. The Romantic Love Lie wants you to think Infatuation and Lust are the same as Love.

2- Launch Your Faith Missile

You’ve walked by faith before and now it’s time to do it again (2 Corinthians 5:7). Recharge your spiritual engine by fueling up with what you know. You’re not just a nameless face in the mass population to God. You are His. He knew you before you were conceived (Jeremiah 1:5). He knows the challenges you have being single. He knows how you long to be married.  He hasn’t forgotten you or your desires. So stop listening to the sad love songs and replace it with upbeat positive music.

3- Prepare for the “When Are You Getting Married?” Question

Someone is going to ask you this question either this season or within the next 6 months! 

Here are a few suggested answers:

Well, you know God has a season for everything. And as soon as He lets me know, I’ll let you know (change subject or walk away).

I especially like Author Crystal Mary’s WHY suggestions:

Q.        When are you getting married?
A.        Why?
Q.        How come you’re not married?
A.        Why?
Q.        Why haven’t you ever married?
A.        Why should I?

Pray for wisdom in giving an answer that helps you feel comfortable and confident.

4-Embrace the Spirit of Gratitude-Volunteer

Your desire for a mate shouldn’t cause you to forget about your current blessings.  Nothing can help you embrace the spirit of gratitude quicker than volunteering. How about spreading cheer to residents in the nursing home or patients in the hospital?  There are numerous charities that could use your help. This season rather than waiting on God to bless you, use what He has given you to be a blessing!

Your Ideal Mate List Check for 2016?

Okay, I admit it. When I was single, I created a list of what I wanted in a mate.  I’m a “list person,” meaning I enjoy making a list for everything. Did you know that your long “mate-shopping” list can be a hindrance in recognizing God’s man for you? Here are 2 of the most popular items on single Christian women’s list:

Physical requirement.  There are handsome men in the bible. David had two fine sons, Absalom (2 Sam. 14:25) and Adonijah (1 Kings 1:6). And, Joseph was so handsome (Gen. 39:6) that I'm convinced his beauty played a role in getting him locked up! And ladies, be honest. Who doesn’t want a Shemar Moore or John Stamos look-a-like?

However, physical beauty changes throughout the years. The beautiful head of hair becomes thin or ashy grey. Sadly, healthy young people as well as old are stricken with an unexpected handicap or disease. Accidents disfigure even the most beautiful people. Maybe, this is one of the main reasons God said to Samuel in 1Samuel 16:7 “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” English Standard Version (ESV)

Career/Education/Financial Status. The showoff partner is the first cousin to the trophy wife. His status, whether it is career, education or finance, impresses you and others at parties, church, class reunions and other public functions.

The truth is your relationship, especially your marriage, will not be lived out at church, parties or class reunions. What will become most important is how he treats you. Does he builds you up most of the time or slowly destroys your self-esteem?

Deal-breakers. There should be major deal breakers or refuse to accept on your list. But, no man will have everything you want on your list. Do not expect any man to fulfill all your needs. Only God can do this! Go to God and continue to ask him to open your eyes to the man that he wants to be your husband.  

What are your thoughts about making an Ideal Mate List? Please comment below.

Season of Waiting

Waiting for God to send you a mate isn't easy, especially when you are close to age 40 or over 40. Be encouraged my sisters, God has not forgotten you! Think over your life and how He has been faithful by bringing you through events and circumstances. Remember "waiting" does not mean "no, it will never happen." It only means NOT YET.