One True Soul Mate Not Biblical?

And they lived happily ever after.”

It’s been a long time since I read a fairy tale. So I had to pick up a children’s book to make sure the happily ever after was still there. Although many of the stories have been revised, the fairy tales still preach the same concepts. 1-There is only one true soul mate. 2-Only when you find your soul mate, you will find true happiness.

One of my best girlfriends— who loved reading romantic novels—believed this for years. I’m not sure it was her studying the Word more in depth or her last relationship which ended in marriage that helped her see clearer. The truth is you can be compatible with more than one person.

Is your belief in the "Soul Mate-Only One" Myth keeping you from leaving a dating relationship that's not good for you? Or is this belief keeping you from looking at new dating relationships because you feel you lost the “right” one—your soul mate?

According to an article in the Christian Post, "A 'soul mate' is not a Christian idea," says biblical counselor June Hunt, founder, CEO, and CSO of Hope For The Heart ministries. 

“Rather, an ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, taught that men and women were made in one body, but separated by the gods. Each man and woman scours the earth for their perfect spouse, so the two can again become one. Phrases like "my other half" or "my better half" actually come from this Greek myth.”

This article in the Christian Post is certainly enlightening and is in agreement with Colossians 2:10. This scripture reminds us that we are complete in Christ.

What are your thoughts about the true soul mate myth?





Older Women Marry Out of Sheer Luck or Manipulation???

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A few years ago, I commented in a leading Christian magazine about marrying later. Another reader responded:

“It's not impossible, but if one is being honest, one has to admit that it is rare. Statistically, the older a woman is the more the odds are against her...particularly if she wants a Christian mate. Most churches have a surplus of single women of a certain age, but relatively fewer available men, and the ones who are all too often act like the proverbial rooster in the hen house. I've seen it, and it's not pretty. Women who marry older often times it's just out of sheer luck...or manipulation. That's the truth.”

I agree with the reader on several points:

Most churches have more women than men.
In David Murrow’s book Why Men Hate Going to Church, he writes, “I truly believe women must play a key role if men are to return (to the church). Because women dominate in attendance, leadership, and volunteerism, they hold great sway in the local church (even if they don’t realize it). Women must humble themselves, pray, and allow the men of the church to lead the body toward an adventure.” For more interesting points on men and church, check out this link: http://churchformen.com

The proverbial rooster in the hen (church) house does exist.
I agree with the reader that because of the surplus of single women of a certain age and fewer available men, many brothers act like the proverbial rooster in the hen house. Unfortunately, we, the church, have accepted this behavior, which is both sickening and sinful.

Main point of disagreement: older women who marry, marry out of sheer luck or manipulation.
 Unfortunately, this statement assumes that the only thing women have to offer is their youth and that luck does exist.  Both of which we know is in error.

While statistics may be against us, I know other women who married at a later age and they did not manipulate their potential mates. I know it’s difficult, but I encourage my single sisters to keep believing. If God can part the Red Sea for Moses, He can send you a mate…if it’s His will!

5 Red Flag Dating Signs For Christian Women 35+


You’ve waited, cried and prayed as your turn seemed like it never would come. You’ve seen friends get married and remarried. After all the years of waiting, now you’re dating a man who goes to church. You’re thankfulness is overshadowed by the uneasiness you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Could it be that your uneasiness is actually God’s spirit trying to get you to acknowledge what your spiritual eyes already see?

1- He's only “spiritual” during church services- disregard for God’s Word.

One of the reasons you started dating him is that he exemplifies many of the qualities you want in a husband. He’s fairly good-looking, great personality, good job and most importantly, he’s so attentive in listening to God’s Word. Whether he’s singing songs of faith, in bible class or in the formal worship service, his eyes never leaves the speaker. He’s totally engaged.  

However, once he leaves the church building, he also leaves his desire to learn about God.

2-He doesn’t publically acknowledge your relationship.

He tells you that he doesn’t publically acknowledge that you’re dating because he doesn’t want others in your business. He thinks it is best that you don’t sit with him in church because you don’t want people to start asking questions.  You’ve heard that he’s dating others, but you’ve squashed your suspicion. After all, you’re blessed to find such a great catch after 40!

3- He can’t keep his hand off you AKA booty call.

'Booty Call' is an urban slang meaning when someone specifically calls another, usually late in the evening for a date, and the main purpose is for sexual intercourse.

He would never call it a booty call, but your dates with him seldom end without sex.

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”  “Don’t you believe that God will forgive us for all of our sins, including fornication?” These are two of his favorite scriptures he uses to “justify” his sinful behavior.

He never acknowledges Hebrews 13:4 (KJV):  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

4-He has several excuses for not marrying you now.

You can recite word for word the excuses he’s come up with for not marrying you. Sometimes, it’s because he hasn’t meant his financial goals yet. Other times, it’s because he doesn’t think you are quite ready to become his wife.

5-He is tearing you down spiritually.

Perhaps, the most dangerous other than his total disregard for God’s Word is he is tearing you down spiritually. Satan is using him to accomplish his goal of destroying you (John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8).

He is tearing down your relationship with God; you, who God calls his beloved (Colossians 3:12 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13).  You, who God loved so much, that he sacrificed his Son (John 3:16). You, a beloved daughter of the Lord Almighty (2 Corinthians 6:18) is becoming indifference and not bothered by sin.

What to Do?

You already know what to do! You just need to pray for strength to do what you know. But, the Enemy is telling you that if walk away from the man you’re dating, you’ll never find another…not at your age.  I say call the Enemy what he is—a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). And from my experience, you’re going to have to say and believe those words more than once or twice.

Also, from my experience, I know the “age-thing” is a lie. My grandfather who danced at his 100th birthday party had women “checking him out” well into his 80s! My mother, his daughter, who is now in her 80s have men inquiring and expressing interest in her. And finally, my grand-aunt didn’t get married for the first time until she was 65, but I married younger…I was 40!

I believe if you step out on what you know God wants you to do, He’ll add what you need. (Mt. 6:33)
It won’t be easy because you’re wrestling against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12).  But that’s okay, you’re a strong woman because the Power in you is greater than the Enemy! 1 John 4:4





Need to Talk Live Support for Single Christian Women 

“Women in their late 30s and 40s are flooded with negative information about their probability of getting married to having healthy babies,” says Cynthia, author of Marry Over 40 By Faith and founder of InSeasonMom, recognized by CBS New York and MSNBC as a leading resource for first time moms over 35.

“Unfortunately, most churches or programs do not minister to the needs of older single Christian women. They may address a woman not being married after a certain age in a joking manner in a sermon. However, it’s not a joke to the woman who doesn’t want to be single,” says Cynthia.   

The Need to Talk Live Support I offer is exclusively for emotional support and doesn’t take the place of psychotherapy or professional counseling,” she says.  “It’s not a substitution for professional mental or medical health advice.  It’s more like talking to a good friend who’s been through what you’re going through; someone who can relate and encourage you in your journey with action steps. It's coaching!”

Cynthia got married for the first time at age 40, conceived naturally and gave birth at age 42 and 44 to two healthy daughters. She says, “I’m a firm believer in different seasons in everyone’s life. The key is never allowing anyone except God to determine where you should be in your personal or professional season of life."

For more information, email cynthia: marryover40byfaith@gmail.com  



Single Christian Woman Without One Prospect: What To Do


“I just wonder what you would say to a woman who is Christian with not a one prospect. Most Christian men I have befriended ended up not committing. It is like they are scared to. Then the ones who aren't Christian want to get to know me. What am I to do? Praying for decades hasn't worked. I haven't been on a date since I got saved. Part of me wonders if it is worth it to wait for a man who loves God. They all seem afraid to be husbands. I give up...” (Marrying Over 40 follower)


Several years ago, I, or at least one of my girlfriends, could have easily written this question and the comments. One girlfriend actually became so frustrated that she refused to attend any more weddings! Here are a few suggestions to help you through your season of singlehood:

1) Pray. Tell God exactly how you feel. 
Don’t worry about surprising Him with your anger or frustration. Psalms 139:2 reads: You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away (The Living Translation).

2) Get some rest. 
I know when I’m tried, I’m more apt to be irritable and view everything through my negative-colored glasses.

3) Share a laugh with a friend or watch your favorite comedy show.
According to Natural News.Com, laughter moves lymph fluid around your body simply by the convulsions you experience during the process of laughing; so it boosts immune system function and helps clear out old, dead waste products from organs and tissues. No wonder Proverbs 17:22 reads:

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.(The Living Bible)

4) Pray for the husband that God is going to send you. 
I remember the first time I heard this I was surprised. Then it made sense because unless the man God is sending you hasn't been born yet, he is facing challenges just like you.

I think I read this statement over 25  years ago in Your Half Of The Apple: God and the Single Girl by Gini Andrews. What a powerful impact that made on me.

5) Realize that God’s man for you may not be a Christian yet. God is still working on him.
Too many seasoned believers fail to tell single new Christians that it is possible that you can be unequally yoked” with another believer. Let me explain. A brother may be “Mr. Super Christian” within the church building, but does not act the same way outside of the church building!

After much prayer, get to know-not in the biblical sense-a single man with good morals. Introduce him to your beliefs. Do not fall into the trap of soul-winning for you and Jesus. Commit him and your relationship to the Lord.

6) Write a Thankful/Count Your Blessings List. 

A University of Connecticut study found, a grateful heart is a healthier heart. Patients who viewed their first heart attack as a blessing in disguise, for giving them a new appreciation for life were less likely to have a second attack than those who blamed their heart troubles on others.  

Being thankful is not only good for your physical health, it's good for your spiritual health! I won't mention the numerous scriptures such as Psalm 107:1 which states, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

As the old gospel song says, "Count your Blessings. Name them one by one. Then it will surprise you what the Lord has done!"

GOD’S MATH: GOOD SINGLE MEN OVER 40 STILL LEFT!

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What was your first thought when you read: Good Single Men Over 40 Still Left?
Was your first thought similar to one of the following:

1-     Yeah right, where are they?
2-     I don’t want a “good man” I want a godly/Christian man!
3-     No one is good except God!

I certainly agree with you that God is good. I understand that you want to marry a Christian man. However, you as well as I know there are Christian men who are not living what God considers a “good” life at this moment. They have abandoned the love they once had for Christ.  Sadly, at this very moment, they have left their first love (Revelation 2:4).

On the other hand, there are unsaved single men who are seeking a relationship with God and will come into a relationship with Christ on this very day!

When you/experts/researchers attempt to count how many single Christian men over 40 there are compared to the the number of single Christian women over 40, your numbers are always off....not on point. You see, it is impossible to factor in the “God math.”   

God’s math is seen in Judges 7 when He used Gideon’s army of 300 to defeat an army that biblical scholars believe were several hundred thousand. Although the bible does not provide a specific number of the defeated army, the scholars base their belief on the description given in Judges 7:12:  "the Midianites and Amalekites, all the people of the East, were lying in the valley as numerous as locusts; and their camels were without number, as the sand by the seashore in multitude."  This does not sound like a few hundred people to me!

Another example of God’s math is seen when Elisha’s servant is only able to see the vast enemy army that surrounds them.  Elisha prays for his servant, “O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.” He prays that his servant might have eyes to see the myriad of God’s host surrounding them (cf. 2 Kings 6:15-17).  The servant is encouraged once he sees “God’s math” in action.

As a result of not being able to factor in “God’s math” in any statistical research, the results will always be flawed.  Even when you say, there are just a few, just a couple or no Christian men over 40 in your church or bible study group, you may be speaking the truth, as it is at that moment. Yet, while you are speaking, there are men, women and children choosing to follow Him!

I am praying that God will open your eyes that you will see and be encouraged by His math! Here's my personal invite to follow me on Facebook and on Twitter